I recently found myself without a life preserver, without a backup plan.
But that’s ok.
I originally thought that I was a big fish in a small pond, but when I came out west I realized how wrong I was. I am actually a tiny sea urchin in a vast ocean. I’m barely kelp. After quitting my job, I took a detour to Salt Lake City but I’m not entirely sure what’s next. That feels scary to me. But, I have to remind myself that it’s okay to be the little fish in a big pond, sometimes. The goal was never to be a shark. Maybe this year, a very tiny and magical seahorse. I think I could be a seahorse.
I’ve decided that I want a 5.13 life. With that pursuit in mind, I am forced to deal with the fact that with it comes as many failures as it will successes. The love of challenge is what triggers my insecurities as much as it feeds my soul.
Anybody can have a 5.13 life. It’s about not getting stuck in cycles and unraveling the pattern so that you can understand the way the world works around you, and then how you can work with the rest of the world. A 5.13 life is about waking up motivated, even though some mornings you don’t want to get out of bed. A 5.13 life is about allowing yourself to feel emotions (even the shitty ones) and letting other people feel what they are going to feel (because they are going to, regardless) and making peace with that. A 5.13 life is being afraid and going ahead with it anyway because even if you’re scared and even though it hurts, you’re growing. You’re changing. You’re evolving. You are facing problems and being forced to solve them.
A 5.13 life is not about making money. It’s about making art. It’s about getting off route sometimes and finding your way back, with a better head and more fight in you. A 5.13 life is about being good to you.
This is a reminder to myself, but maybe it’s a reminder for you, too.
Cover photograph courtesy of Jon Vickers.