I originally thought that I was a big fish in a small pond, but when I came out west I realized how wrong I was. I’m actually just a tiny sea urchin in a vast ocean. I’m barely kelp. So, Kathy things: I wasn’t planning on it, but I quit a job that wasn’t working for me anymore and now I’m detouring to Salt Lake City with no savings, no plan, and I’m a little in over my head. Cool. I’m trying to remind myself that it’s okay to be the little fish in a big pond because I don’t think the goal was ever to become a shark—and let’s be honest, I don’t have that kind of edge. Maybe a very tiny and magical seahorse—I think I could probably be a seahorse.
Every time I ask myself why I quit my job I keep telling myself it’s because I want a 5.13 life. With that pursuit in mind, I’m being forced to deal with a lot of things head-on, which feels kind of hard and scary right now: the love of challenge is what triggers my insecurities as much as it feeds my soul. Ah, juxtaposition.
Anybody can have a 5.13 life. It’s about not getting stuck in cycles and unraveling the pattern so that you can understand the way the world works around you, and then how you can work with the rest of the world. A 5.13 life is about waking up motivated, even though some mornings you don’t want to get out of bed. A 5.13 life is about allowing yourself to feel emotions (even the shitty ones) and letting other people feel what they are going to feel (because they are going to, regardless) and making peace with that. A 5.13 life is being afraid and going ahead with it anyway because even if you’re scared and even though it hurts, you’re growing. You’re changing. You’re evolving. You are facing problems and being forced to solve them.
A 5.13 life is not about making money. It’s about making art. It’s about getting off route sometimes and finding your way back, with a better head and more fight in you. A 5.13 life is about being good to you.
This was really all just a reminder for myself, but maybe it’s a reminder for you, too.
Cover photograph courtesy of Jon Vickers.