The Bipolar Ape
I want to break this down. Why does poorboychevelle consider FLC unlistenable compared to other climbing pods. Likely, it has nothing to do with quality and everything to do with content. Compared to others mentioned, FLC is not a Q&A interview-style podcast. We are a storytelling platform about the human experience told through a climbing lens.
I don’t want to speculate too much since I don’t know them personally, but it leaves the impression that poorboy doesn’t want to address their emotions. How many times have I received DMs about how “climbing isn’t about feelings”? How often do girlfriends tell me they’re dating a guy who “has trouble expressing emotions”?
Angela Lee recently sent me an audio clip about how abandoning our “ignore the haters” mentality is necessary for paving the way for a more equitable future. I’ve been thinking a lot about the masculinity paradigm: what does moving away from conversations that focus solely on shaming and what not to be—into more thoughtful dialogue about what a man…could be? We fling around buzzwords like “toxic masculinity” but that alone fails to create a much-needed space to address it. Instead, what if we started asking them how an individual’s internalization of cultural belief systems towards masculinity could be hurtful, listening with greater intention, and then challenging others by holding them accountable for their words and actions.
Challenging negative aspects of traditional manhood doesn’t always have to be combative. It can be firm. It can be compassionate. And it can be done with integrity. Thoughtful engagement is crucial in un-defining traditional maleness in order to change the way men treat women (and each other) and empathize with people outside of their own community.
I see the impact these re-examinations are having on young boys, and it gives me a lot of hope. I see it in friends becoming parents who teach their sons the value of engaging with their emotions and uncomfortable dialogue, thus increasing their ability to continue to do the work as adults. This is positive masculinity in action. The times are changing for boys of all ages. Here is an open invitation for men in our community to rise to the occasion and be a part of the change.
I’m really excited to be working on a January episode that finally addresses some of this. I specifically chose a cis, white, male (pro) climber to interview and I want to share an early excerpt because he articulates this so well:
“I heard this term once on a podcast. It’s the ‘bipolar ape’—and humans are the bipolar ape. Like, we are capable of acts of such bravery and also, acts of such cowardice from one moment to the next. And I think that understanding that really allows you to give everybody the benefit of the doubt.
And also, just understand we’re just this amalgamation of programming from genetics and from nature and nurture. And of course, we’re gonna sometimes do terrible things. And of course, sometimes, we’re gonna do amazing things and beautiful things. But I think we all have those capabilities. I trip out sometimes on how polarizing these qualities can be in people. You know, the bravery and the cowardice and just how extreme those two things can be in a single person.”
TW: mention of rape and sexual assault.
Engaging in internet discord or subscribing to a “haters are going to hate” attitude won’t actually benefit anybody. But if we focused more on encouraging men to champion healthy behavior and to lean into accessing and expressing their feelings, on a much smaller scale we’d certainly see less online debates on whether or not people belong in climbing or if we believe her or authority on trans bodies.
But on a MUCH larger scale, there would overall be less apathy, violence, racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexual assault, and rape. Studies show that if we removed the pressure we place on men to behave within certain masculine norms, sexual violence could be reduced by at MINIMUM 69%. It could also quash at least 40% of bullying and violence and 39% of male suicides in the U.S. each year.
When my ex-boyfriend raped me in 2018, I spent three years suffering the fallout and doing the work to rebuild my community. I am still doing the work. Every day. But a part of that work now looks like moving away from anger and into a space where I can practice compassion—because compassion begets understanding. I do not condone his actions and the burdens he put on me. I will still hold him accountable for them. But in understanding how a human being could act so abominably towards another, I now have a better understanding of where the cracks need repairing.
In 2019, I reposted a @thesweetfeminist cake that said in frosting “DEAR MEN: STEP THE FUCK UP”. I was so angry then. I didn’t explain; I didn’t feel like I needed to. But here is the long-winded, long-overdue follow up. I think about how many men, some former friends, messaged me to “shut the fuck up” or they didn’t want to “see this bullshit” in their feed. Anger begets anger.
If you’re a Schitt’s Creek fan at all, Dan Levy said in an after-series interview: “I feel like when someone has opposing beliefs sits down and watches, we’re showing them what life could be like. People feel safe enough to question, ‘Are my beliefs outdated? Am I being told to believe something that isn’t true? Because I love this character and I want him to succeed, so why am I feeling like he shouldn’t politically or religiously?’ And I think we all just need a safe space to learn. I never learn when I’m being taught a lesson.”
“I never learn when I’m being taught a lesson.” That has stuck with me for an eternity as I create FLC. We’re almost at the end of season 4, soon to be our fifth upcoming season. The fact that we have listeners and brands that see the value in what we’re creating is magical. Experiencing another human being’s thoughts and feelings through storytelling is magical, too. But it’s also powerful as hell. In an attempt to recreate Dan Levy’s sentiment through the podcast, it truly isn’t about teaching a lesson. It’s about expanding our knowledge of the world and showing people—from all different backgrounds and sides of things—how things are, and how they could be.
I reiterate that I think the times are changing for all of us. This is actually an open invitation for every person in our community to rise to the occasion. We all have a role to figure out and play in creating a world where men feel safe to use their physical and emotional strength for championing women, Black, Indigenous, and LGBTQIA communities as much as they do for rock climbing.